Courage is choosing to endure loneliness because you know deep down that although uncomfortable, you have the strength to let it propel you forward into health and growth - without the security of bringing someone else into it.

So you sit here in your apartment. And you glance around at what this apartment represents. The growth, the friends that helped you get here. You understand all the boys you had in your life, yes - did propel you to grow. But you went through the same neurotic notions with all of them...

Because it was comfortable. Because you played out something you never had. Because the more boys you dated, the more often you got to hear ‘I’m letting you go’.

And this is it, it took you falling in love again to let it all go.

To not be the one who complains that their ex is using the new girl to run away from their problems. Because although the intentions were different,  you were doing the same. You chased relationships because you really couldn’t do it - face the feeling of loneliness. And yes, you’re feeling uncomfortably lonely. But you’re learning that it’s a privilege to feel this kind of loneliness. The loneliness of free will.

So this is where the growth really begins. Because you need to trust yourself to be patient, and the key isn’t something you look for. What you do now is to let it strike you like an epiphany. There’s nothing to chase, and you have to trust that when it’s right in front of you, you’ll see it. 

Here you’re waiting. In waiting you’ve found some pleasures in life, and things to define your purpose - but you’ve also realize the gaps. 

Nights where you sit on the floor at 4 am in the morning. Aching in sadness. Mourning and sorrow fills deeply, and you silently cry out the most infantile desire - for someone to choose you. And you think to the people you loved, holding you, embracing you - making you feel safe and secure. And you agonize at the following thought... that they’re no longer yours. But you eventually fall asleep and you wake up to the sun barely shining in, you take a deep crisp breath in, and you’re know you’re fine.

So the story continues and grow, and you’re okay because you’re letting this courageous time of insecurity flourish into something great.