Went to the temple today and realized how much religion/spirituality matters to me. Growing up with buddhism sprinkled in my life, it’s the most familiar to me. I find peace in the temple, and it feels right to pray. When I travel I tend to gravitate towards religious houses, may it be temples, shrines, churches, and I love doing so because it reminds me how small I really am. How my life is part of something larger than I. 

I may not believe in something, but I believe in something. 

I pulled “best fortune” as my fortune. And I’d like to believe that something better is coming my way. That this feeling of being lost and stuck, like I’ve been a loser, is part of a bigger plan of great. Losing the battle but winning the war. Wouldn’t that be nice to believe. I recently asked a question, what is integrity if you lose? And was given that statement as an answer. Though I might’ve lost the battle, I win the war because I never faulted in my character. But I guess my follow up to that is, but what if I don’t. What if good guys do end up last? 

I guess it doesn’t change anything, because I knew he was right in this conversation. I won’t ever stray from my character. Fairness, justice, and integrity is something that I hold myself to. I hold others to it, so much that if it’s not met it feels catastrophic. I guess that’s why I’ve been feeling this way about being fired. It wasn’t fair. It was petty and unjust. And I’m having a really hard time swallowing the pill, this is really happening to me, because it’s just so unfair. 

Maybe I just don’t have what it takes to succeed in the world of business. Where hunters hide behind enemy lines, and what should’ve been your allies double cross you. Maybe I’m just too soft for all of it. Or maybe I only feel this way because I’ve lost the battle and my wounds are still too fresh. Maybe that’s what this trip is for, licking my wounds. I just thought they’d be less fresh by now. 

Ending it on a sweet note, I bought myself a knife today. Really stoked about it. And my man a beard trimmer, really stoked about that too. A little stabby stabby shopping today. OH! And I bought some new metal containers, really excited to use them. Maybe even more than my stabby tool.