It's 8pm on a rainy night sitting in a cafe sipping an espresso after dinner. Feeling like Hemingway actually - that’s the vibe this cafe gives.  

I spent most of the day inside, just sleeping and watching Adolescence. I think I very much needed it; instead of forcing myself into the windy rain, I was able to rest up and feel hopefully better for tomorrow. It’s my last full day tomorrow and the weather is greeting me with a lovely warm spring. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about my parents today. How my parents survived the 2008 recession with two kids and as immigrants. They are so resilient, as Vietnamese boat people, escaping their home country by boats notoriously known to have brutal survival rates. They have friends that didn’t make it, boats that just disappeared. And here they are living in Canada, thriving at that. Really living out the ‘American dream’.

What are my accomplishments compared to theirs? How can I ever live up to those expectations? In fact, I’m here dishonouring them by not passing down their culture. Instead I am what my friends love to call out ‘the whitest asian’. It’s weird to think about, imagine raising kids in a completely different country with different customs and culture. And now think about your kids adopting and assimilating to that culture, so much so that you can’t relate to them anymore. 

I talked about that in therapy before. Feeling like my parents are strangers. Like there’s nothing to talk about, my interests and thoughts are more complex than theirs. But perhaps I’m wrong, I’ve acknowledged that as well. Perhaps we have the same complex thinking except we have a language barrier stopping us from connecting. It feels like that a lot of the time. Because when I explain my hopes, fears, and dreams to them (at least try my best to) they have profound things to say. Profound but explained to me at an elementary level so I can understand in Cantonese. 

It’s sad, that I’ll never have an adult complex relationship with them because of the culture and language barriers. It’s isolating, not being able to have that with your parents. 

I'm enjoying nights in Korea. They have this great 'night life' culture - not in a clubbing way, though they have that too. But the city is still alive at night. You walk around and cafes, and shops are still open. People watching is fun. The amount of people that just come from work, and they're letting loose by getting drunk at bars eating good food. It makes me realize that I want to come back but with people. With friends. It's not my favourite city to be alone in, I'm missing this group drinking and eating culture that's so deeply routed here.

But soon I'll be joined by Kevin in Tokyo! I think it'll be a hoot bopping around Asia with a pal.

Ending it off by saying I had kbbq once again tonight. Still slaps. 10/10. yum.